She's a Cold Blooded Flake Critique

This one's a Paranormal kind of thing which so far follows two people; a sociopathic mermaid murdering her way to Hollywood and a young widower who has to sell his dream to pay for his daughter's college.
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Grimness occurred on the ample thighs of luxury.What? Even the most dismal depths of sky and water held warmth. It was the Gulf of Mexico in July. A hint of breeze tickled the surface of the water and slid across the contours of a well-lit cruise ship. On a secluded lower deck, two naked women were fondled by the wicked little wind. Ha! The wind is a pervert. Unfortunately, one woman was too dead, quite literally, to care. The other was too busy attempting to wipe her hands clean from the kill. Too direct. First, I’d play up the discrepancy between the luxury of the surrounding more, then I’d merely say that one was busy wiping the blood from her hands. Trust me. Readers’ll get it and it’ll be stronger that way.
Frankly Cut the frankly. Sounds too 1st person., the bloodstains on the dress worried her more than disposing of the body. Coping with that sort of gory mess put her in a sharky What? mood. Onda pouted to herself. No pain, no gain, right? I’d do this in narration rather than italics. It creates a 3rd omni vs. 1st conflict for the reader. If she could make her way to the corpse’s former stateroom without attracting anyone’s suspicion, she figured a long soak in cold water would do the trick for the garment. She still had far more to handle here than she’d really expected. Qualifiers (really) are for first and 3rd limited. I think it sounds better without.
Grunting with exertion, Onda shoved the inert form over the edge of the deck and watched it splash into the waves below. She rose and leaned against the railing, wiggling her fingers in farewell as triangular fins torpedoed towards the scent of fresh meat.
“Thanks for the Chanel!” she called softly as she giggled. The dress, after all, had been her true target. Show don’t tell. Have her obsess over the blood stains. After admiring the reflected moonlight on her knife’s finely honed blade, she gave it a toss into the waves as well. When she surveyed the deck she discovered the mess wasn’t as gruesome as she’d initially assumed. Most of the blood had splattered over the gown. Screwing her pretty face into a nasty scowl, Onda determined a brainstorming session on murder options was definitely in order later. Phrasing. I’d keep it simple. Onda determined to plan out these housekeeping issues better for the next time. Housekeeping had not You really can’t tell readers where the stress is. You need to imply it. Note: This was italicized for stress in the manuscript been in her plan. Now she was stuck with a bloody mess, aboard a yacht of people packed tight as a can of dead sardines, and had a questionable amount of time for swabbing down the deck. Phrasing. You mean she didn’t know how much time she had?
She yanked on the dead girl’s lingerie in case she encountered anyone, and scampered around the corner in search of one of the many private jacuzzi Jacuzzi is a brand. It either needs to be capitalized or replaced with “hot tub” or whatever. alcoves. A big stack of fluffy towels provided a solution to her mess. Cramming as many as she could fit beneath each arm, she rushed back To the deck . Onda polished and blotted away evidence of her naughty deed. {Naughty is} too cute for the situation.
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So that's about the first page worth of text. It's got some ups and downs. It overuses ellipses and italics, but it's also got some really weird lines I like a lot (like the wind thing). It also moves really fast, but I thought the main characters were...well, not likable really. Don't think they're supposed to be. But they are interesting.

Anyway, hope that helps the not only the author, but all's y'all as well.