Robin Crew's Holistic Literary Agency

First of all, if you recognize the title of this post from somewhere, give yourself a cookie.

So the other day, I got one of the many “Hah! Every publisher everywhere ever is SERIOUSLY considering my AWESOME book and they LOVE me so you MANY, MANY agents who have POLITELY DECLINED can SUCK IT.” Jesus, what a diva. To be fair, there had already been a couple of “Thanks for your time” messages That day so I knew it was coming. But right as I was deleting this message a new query came in for a book titled “Idol Threat.” This made me shoot milk out my nose (to go with the cookie I gave myself for coming up with a clever title for the post). Gold star to Idol Threat. I mean, it’ll probably be some thriller about a celebrity stalker or something lame. But the secret of comedy is in the timing. And this was just too perfect to be true. Fortune smiles upon thee, Idol Threat.

Also it should be noted that the winner of the month's critique never sent me anything to critique so I am now officially done offering. If anyone wants me to look at something, my e-mail is over there. Drop me a note, make your case, and I'll invent some task for you to earn it. Like doing a tango with your dog.

Next up, in case anyone was wondering- on a recent diplomatic mission to Mikoslavia I read the *other* three volumes of Scott Pilgrim and I was right. From their respective half way points they become increasingly divergent. It's not that big a deal, actually. The movie is easier to follow, doesn't suffer from sudden scene shifts, and keeps a more steady pace. The comic on the other hand portrays the heroine more sympathetically and has a subplot for another character who really gets the short end of the stick in the movie. Take your pick. Reviews also came in for the Third Parasite Eve game. As I feared, they made Aya, the main character, into a wuss. Shit, back in the day we only had like three female heroes so they bothered to make them good. Now that they're common place I guess they don't get to kick ass anymore. Booo. Not sure I understand the logic. Is there some extremely finite amount of ass-kickingness alotted to the "fairer sex" and the awesomeoness of each character is inversely proportional to the total number of female mains? That sounds retarded. They're digital asses that are being kicked. That means there is a potentially infinite amount of ass. So I can't buy that argument.

Also, I saw Kiss Kiss Bang Bang the other day. I would not call it a great movie, but it was fun to watch once (I mean, it does star Robert Downey Jr who I like, a lead actress I'd never heard of but is good (and also gets nekkid!), a hard-ass private dick named "Gay Perry" and Corbin Bernsen as the villain. How many movies does someone accidentally pee on a corpse? Also, why is Robert Downey Jr. always peeing on things these days? See: The Soloist where Downey slips on his own pee twice if memory serves). I seem to recall that a reader recommended it (I think I can guess who. Does your person wear a bandana? Or a...headkerchief?). Anyway, it made me think. Why not ask my readership about something.

See, I've always had a soft spot for genre fiction like fantasy and sci-fi because even though most of it is awful, when I was a kid, that's the middle grade I read. And YA wasn't really a thing yet so I used light fantasy and SF like Robert Asprin, Piers Anthony, and Douglas Adams to make the transition to adult books. But last fall I read some recent upper MG and YA like Behemoth by Scott Westerfield and I realized that genre fiction is alive and kicking. It's just that a lot of the adult stuff is derivative. And also dumb. In other words, bland, same-y and un-original. But they're convinced they aren't. The various "kid" stuff acknowledges the elephant in the room and so can be more adventurous. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. There can be no greatness without audacity. Anyway, you fine folks know my tastes. I like 'em dark and/or goofy. You also know books. Indeed, many of you specialize in YA. So I was wondering if any of all's y'alls had any recommendations.