Random Crap Week Part I

And so he declared it INTERNATIONAL RANDOM CRAP DAY FOR A WEEK and lo was it so.

So the other day I was out driving around my town and I saw these two guys using a backhoe to plow snow. And the best part? We have less snow right now than we’ve had at any time since the day after Christmas.

Speaking of snow, I was watching the news this morning. I don’t know why they bother. They could honestly just play one ten minute tape on a loop all winter and no one would notice. See, they blabbered on and on about snow. Took two seconds out to admit that international crises a la Libya EXIST, then went back to the snow. With fifteen correspondents to cover every county within 50 miles of NYC. And let me tell you, these dedicated folks make some truly brilliant observations. They spent all their screen time sharing such astonishingly thought provoking insights as “there is snow on the ground” and “snow is white. Everything is covered in snow. Everything is very white.” At least if it had been cable news, perhaps they’d have had the cajones to remind viewers not to eat yellow snow (and apparently their viewers need such reminders). Unfortunately, it was network news and therefore under strict censorship. I just kept waiting for the announcer to tell me that this hour long weather and traffic report was sponsored by the letter L.

The same day I saw the backhoe, a reader created an awful (awfully funny) false query to demonstrate how dumb your query looks when you ignore good advice. It was pretty great. For a moment, I even held hope that the sheer hilarity that has transpired on this humble blog in recent times would educate the world and I’d stop getting bad queries. It was only a moment, because I was immediately assailed by an aspiring author with a very unprofessional e-mail address who sent FIVE manuscripts SEPERATELY, for books the agency has little interest in, ALL AS ATTACHMENTS, all at the same time with letters that could be described as marginally better than a gunshot wound to the genitals… if you were feeling generous.

“Time is like a river. Everyone dumps their garbage in it, so it gets really grody downstream.” General Jacob Gallbladder and the Art of War Book III: Deep Thoughts.