Democracy, Drudgery, and Domination

So apparently my first blog poll wasn’t much of a hit. I thought the question rather inspired, myself. “What salad dressing most reminds you of world domination?” The choices were Caesar, French, or Red Wine Vinaigrette. Caesar won in an epic landslide with an infinity percentage lead over the competition in a 1-0-0 vote. Between the recent elections and this poll showing, I felt the need to don a trench coat and my best Eric Idle impersonation and head out to ask The Man in the Street “just what is democracy?”

After hours of vigorous research, I obtained these responses
37 people ignored me entirely
16 shot me angry glances
9 said “Fuck off”
7 Didn’t know English
4 Pretended not to know English even though it was pretty obvious that they did

I love New York. Anyway, there were also several other responses in negligible amounts including one response of “Spare some change mister?” which I later realized was a brilliant lampooning of the undue influence money has on democratic processes. A real philosopher, that one.

Oh wells. I figured I’d get over it. After all, it was surprisingly light when I left home this morning. No driving in the pitch black amongst t miserable and bleary eyed shmucks more afraid of hitting runaway deer with their enormous tanks than my innocent little Camry. No sir. Now I dealt with miserable, bleary eyed shmucks more concerned about hitting deer than me when it was light outside. What a vast improvement. Until I got on my train and saw that it was ultra crowded because apparently the highly paid lawyers and such who I ride the train with down from Westchester into NYC, who make tons of money and insist that their snot is of more social consequence than your entire family ever has been and ever could be don’t know how to set alarm clocks. Yes. I can see how daylight savings time could be complicated. Fall back, Spring Ahead. It’s a lot to remember. You can’t expect these marketing moguls and brain surgeons to be able to remember something so difficult. They’re busy with more important matters. Like screwing you out of your money.

And on a final note, apparently the famed Nathan Bransford has resigned from being a literary agent. Oddly, I got this one straight from the horse’s mouth. Which is unusual since I rarely check his twitter feed, but then immediately saw the news reiterated in many other places. And oh was there wailing and beating of chests as if the man were dead. As for me, I don’t mind too much. Okay, so he was super cool. But his absence creates a vacuum of power and thus begins Phase III in my latest plan for world domination. Now all I need is a bottle of Caesar dressing, a pair of pliers, and a tuna salad sandwich and then the world will be firmly, inescapably trapped within the palm of my hand. Muahahahahaha!

Next time on Crewd Philosophy: Zen and the Art of Interning in which our hero attends a Librarian’s Conference and comes to understand the value of meditation.