Pretty Scary, huh Kids?

So, with Halloween coming up I’ve been watching a lot of really bad movies. Shouldn’t I be watching scary movies you ask? Well, I suppose, but they’re frequently the same thing. Truth is, I don’t think I’ve ever been scared of something I saw in a movie. To me, the exorcist was just a little girl with a foul mouth who spat on people. Weird? Yes. Fun? Yes. Scary? No. And truth be told I had as much fun watching Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Now that was a fun movie because it knew it was bad. It used that inherit awfulness to its advantage and actually made me laugh despite myself. I had a whole Mystery Science Theater style running commentary. Like when they got shot at by the aliens whose death-guns shot popcorn and the guy asks the girl “Are you okay?” I naturally butted in with a falsetto and said “Just lightly salted.” Good times are had by all who watch bad movies, whether or not they’re “supposed” to be scary. Talking about it with a writing buddy I’ve known for only a few months, he contended that there must be something wrong with me. That I must not feel fear or something. Eventually, I got him to admit that my neutral response probably has more to do with my hyper-rationality rather than my secretly being an android. I’ll have you know my emotion emulator is flawless, thank you very much.

How did I do this? Simple, I told him what I’m really afraid of- The Tea Party.

Now, to frame this, you should understand that my father is an ultra conservative American Historian who raised me on the Federalist papers etc. So although I am unquestionably a democrat, I’m probably more classically conservative than most republicans. What do I mean? Well, for instance, conservatives claim to stand for individual rights. I take that seriously and thus apply those rights to homosexuals, Muslims and other minority or unpopular groups, which the GOP does not. Near as I can tell, the GOP’s platform is generally “We’re always right because we’re morally superior” which I find offensive and frequently backwards given, for instance, the example above. Like anyone who believes they are inherently superior and therefore right all the time, the modern GOP’s power is supported and grows by instilling a large portion of the population with a sense that they’re not getting the credit their wondrousness deserves. In other words, a massive persecution complex based on the notion that any disagreement or criticism is somehow oppressive. This has spun off into the even more extreme “Tea Party” whose underlying ideology can be best described as “We’re always right because we just are.” How anyone with half a brain and a conscious can vote for candidates who demand Obama send the Czars back to Russia and don’t understand what the first Amendment means is beyond me.

I’m sad to say that my father, lover of stability and loyalty does whatever his party asks and is a devout Bill O’Reilley fan. We argue about this endlessly. Meanwhile, many of my best friends are extremely conservative (I’m looking at you Francis) but they know what they’re talking about and vote the way they do because it’s what makes most sense to them; and these people tend to distance themselves from Tea Party members just as they distance themselves from blow hard faux conservative spokespeople.

As a conservative democrat, I believe in democracy and I fully support your right to vote as you see fit. That’s why I must beg you to vote based on what your brain tells you makes sense, rather than the fact than because you’re enthralled with puffed up, know-nothing, egotistical braggarts.