Nobody Expects a Political Scientist

“ ‘Our two chief weapons are fear and surprise and Moral Ambiguity. Drat. Three. Our three chief weapons are fear, and surprise and moral ambiguity and an almost fanatical devotion to Machiavelli. Oh Bugger. Let me start this over.’

TERRIFYING BUT TRUE

Political Scientists surround you at this very moment aiming to destroy the foundations of this great nation. Regular scientists are a disease of the skin; Political Scientists a disease of the heart. While ordinary scientists chip impotently away at God with their so called “indisputable facts” and “hard evidence” their futile ramblings cannot put a dent in our blind faith. The Political Scientist is a beast of a completely different order. He wears no lab coat or glasses. He walks among us, hidden, unknown. With every breath he seeks to steal your freedom.

DON’T LET HIM.

The Political Scientist will tell you that Universal Healthcare keeps the country healthy, that longer school years will improve education, and that current data indicates that Democrats’ hard won battles for economic relief have helped keep our country’s economy from collapsing.

HE LIES.

Those things do not make sense. He speaks nonsense in order to destroy us all. Political Scientists are all Communists and probably Secret Muslims besides.

NEVER TRUST THEM.

The Political Scientist is a tool of The Vatican. Or the English Crown. Or maybe Huever claims to be in charge of China right now (we’re not really sure because we refuse to recognize the sovereignty of communist nations.)

BE EVER VIGILANT.

The Political Scientist will never rest until he has destroyed this country fully. Your steadfast devotion to unwavering bigotry is all that stands in his way.

AMERICA FOR AMERICANS.

This message brought to you by the National Council for Purity and Security.”

You know something? I was trained as a political scientist and I’m frankly pretty tired of being called a socialist sympathizer, or a panda hugging, namby-pamby, ineffectual intellectual Nancy-boy. So, ummm. If you’re also sick of me being called those things watch how you vote?

P.S. I threw up in my mouth a little when writing this. I’ll consider that an indication of success! Also, assuming you’re one of the six or so people who haven’t seen it yet, check this out.