A Rose by Any Other Name is Just as Thorny

I know a lot of folks maintain this delusion that video games are for men only at that female characters are all helpless weak airheads or mere sex symbols. Because I enjoy proving people wrong, here's just a small sampling of some of my favorite heroines in gaming history. Also, in case you're interested, I've included images of 'em so you won't need to look through any awkward cheescake or cosplay. I won't lie to you. There's still a lot of weirdos out there.

#5 Samus Aran of the Metroid series Published by Nintendo
Here’s what you need to know about Samus Aran. She’s Lt. Ripley of Aliens, if Ripley wore a tank instead of clothing. No, seriously. And I believe I’ve already expressed my love and admiration for Ripley in the alien movies . Take out references to a male lead, replace civilian child with Metroid Hatchling and Queen Alien with Mother Brain, Space Pirate Extraordinaire and poof! Plus, Metroid is one of the classic series that defined platforming adventure games. She was about the first really cool, devastating heroine in video game history. Indeed, most gamers would probably give me flak for not putting her higher on the list, but truth be told her character was never really developed. It got its power from being the only female lead around back in the day and from the inevitable comparison to Aliens. Now it runs largely on nostalgia. Far as I know, only one game has attempted to give her a real personality at all- the relatively recent Metroid Other M which was roundly criticized for being stupid So there you have it. I can’t list her any higher with such weak development, no matter how many times she kicks me square in the nostalgia cortex.

#4 Deis – Breath of Fire Series Published by Capcom
God I love Deis. Objectively however, I’m not sure I can put her any higher on the list. She appears in four games- Breath of Fire I-IV and has three distinct but equally delicious personalities. In I and II, she’s an all-powerful airhead. She’s a secret character so her motivations are totally frivolous (and as I recall amount primarily to a combination of boredom resulting from near immortality and the fact that the main character is handsome and she’s been lacking interesting things to look at in her dungeon.) She’s also hideously, game breakingly powerful. Her magic will pretty much destroy all your enemies in a snap. In the third game, she’s no longer playable, but has perhaps her best performance yet as a rough and tumble Goddess. And in IV she’s an all knowing, disembodied spirit whose soul is used to power a robot and who has created an elaborate inner world complete with an extensive harem of handsome, half naked men. I’d be happy to be in Deis’ harem but I somehow don’t think I meet her exacting standards given that my biceps are not, in fact, the size of my head.

#3 Etna- Disgaea Series Published by Atlus, Nippon Ichi
Not to be confused with the volcano, Etna’s a barrel of laughs. Absolutely loyal to the deceased King Krichevskoy and absolutely rotten to his heir Laharl as well as her gaggle of minimum wage exploding demon penguin servants (they’re called Prinnies, dood!) Etna is as manipulative as they come AND she’s got this real fixation with classical beauty, which is part of the joke in the series. Apparently she’s over a thousand years old, but in demon time that makes her essentially a “tween.” However, she’s so strong that no one dares risk contradicting her when she refers to herself as “Beauty Queen Etna” or when she uses attacks like “Sexy Beam.” The fact that Laharl is deathly afraid of large breasts only fuels her fixation. She tends to show up in a lot of games because the numerous scenes of her abusing her prinnies is pretty much the series hallmark. All of this is only made better by the fact that her Japanese voice actress is absolutely perfect for the role. Dunno about her English voice.


#2 Raquel Applegate in Wild ARMs 4 published in America by XSeed
“Follow the flow, align the blade, show no hesitation...and strike with full power!" is pretty much her Mantra on and off the battlefield. You’ve got to love that. And she’s got a lot of other things going for her as well. At only 19 she’s already the game’s “grizzled veteran,” the mature, reflective one. Wild ARMs 4, although short gives some good development to each major and support character (with the exception of the actual female lead for some reason, who is a generic goody-goody cardboard cutout of no interest whatsoever.) Raquel is so powerful in battle it’s almost not even fair of you to use her intelligently because she can single handedly kill bosses in a series of back-to-back attacks. Yikes. Her character is so much fun partially because her reflective and somewhat introverted personality is at such odds with how absolutely devastating she is in battle. Plus, I’ve got a soft spot for tragedy and Wild ARMs 4 has a whole mess of tragedy, not the least of which is a fatal, incurable disease Raquel has. I’ll always remember this one scene where, coughing up blood, she still manages to outmaneuver a master swordsman who can actually manipulate time. Now that’s skill. Defeat is not in Raquel’s dictionary either. Everything is pretty much just a matter of willpower. And although she’s far from lady like, she is actually quite feminine. It’s hard not to love Raquel.


#1 Mitsuru Kirijo from Persona 3 published by Atlus

Okay, a quick overview. In her own game, she’s the smart one of the bunch. She’s filthy rich. She can kick your ass with a sword or ice magic. She wears thigh high leather boots. Do I need to say more? Well, okay, sure. It may be true that because of Ms. Parker and her portrayal of a character with the same name, from a little show called the Pretender I’ve had a long standing obsession with Ice Queens since I was but a wee lad, but Mitsuru has more going on than that. Like our number 2 heroine, she’s got a stubborn streak that makes her super dangerous and a hint of tragedy to boot. In particular, the game’s world threatening events come from the manifestations of desires and inner weaknesses, and it was Mitsuru’s grandfather who helped give them form. Despite being heiress to a massive family industry with political ties, Mitsuru is determined to fix the problem herself. In other words, she’s no arm chair general. She gets things done. And unlike most games, Persona takes place in what is ostensibly the real world in modern times. So when she’s not stabbing monsters in the face, she’s class president. What more can one say about a girl with an IQ off the charts who is also ready, willing and able to put a high heel up your backside with a totally straight face? She doesn’t talk very much and isn’t very emotive, even though she’s super articulate. She’s a mystery. And like Raquel, she’s clearly very much a woman without ever being girly-girl. This is what we call a winner.



Join me again Friday when I'll provide a representative list of some of the most relatable males in gaming. And yes. Then I'll move on to other topics. Quit whining. Rassumbooksarenotsacredandhowdoyouthinkyoucanbeawriterwithoutstudyingothermediumsfrasssum? Huh? I said nothing.