Consider my Eyebrows Raised part III

11) “I’m querying you because of your deep interest in spiritual literature.” And lo, Rumbling down from the Heavens and spilling across the mountains like an avalanche came a tumultuous boom, whose echoes rang for nigh upon three fortnights, sending rejections raining down across the land. The Book of Crew: Chapter 3, Verse six, lines 43-48.

12) Writing about native Americans- this is just an observation, but apparently 99% of American Indians are descended from the Cherokee and they’re all named Walker. I can understand if you don’t want to do Navajo because it’ll put you in competition with Tony Hillerman, and he’s an Edgar owning, Grand Master of Mystery, and not even death can take that from him. But seriously. No one wants to write about Iroquois? Or Algonquians or anything?

13) Would you please, please, PLEASE stop calling it a “fiction novel”?

14) What I like to see: “Dear Mr. McVeigh (and Mr. Crew),I will not start this query with biographical information. Seriously, I won't. I'll take the highly unorthodox route of starting with my logline. Oh, it's too late for that now. Damn.”

15) Stop underlining everything. First of all, underlining stuff in a query letter looks unprofessional and like you don’t trust us to be able to pick out the important information. Besides, people who do this underline every third word which actually just makes the letter hard to read and it *usually* indicates a similar deficiency in the writing wherein the author either doesn’t know how to stress what they want to stress naturally or has no faith in their readers. That’s not a good thing.

16) Referencing Asia. Some of it is coincidence. Some people do it on purpose to get my attention. For the latter, bear in mind that I have very little power. I’m a standard, run of the mill assistant. Boss trusts me, but that makes little difference. Admittedly I’ve never tried super hard to pitch him on anything- we're so full I just give it the thumbs up and let him decide after that. Either way, know that it catches my eye. So like the mythology thing, you better do it right or it’s going to count against you. Seriously, when you start mixing up surnames with given names, I’m disappointed. And maybe it’s just me, but goddamn. You know how the “nerd” explanation of the unexplainable is that “a wizard did it?” (Yeah, thanks a lot, The Simpsons) well more and more often I’ve been seeing thrillers and spy novels…and conversations with living, breathing human beings where they will, with straight faces and absolute conviction just say “The Chinese did it.” Who hacked our networks? THE CHINESE. Who sold missiles to X? THE CHINESE. Who released that sex tape of the first lady? THE CHINESE. Who makes delicious, greasy take-out? THE CHINESE. They’re like gremlins just waiting in (on?) the wings for a chance to tear out your engines, apparently. Who knew? Funny how their Gremlin properties never manifested in any of my classes. Or the four months I studied there.
However, when there are such obvious, defining characteristics of someone you absolutely KNOW is going to see your thing, it actually doesn’t hurt to personalize on those grounds. In my case, for instance, it works well if you say that you too studied/worked in an Asian country, or something along those lines. Plus it means you can sneak it in without it being truly relevant. Played right, this can help a lot. Played wrong, it can hurt. But even a good writer’s chances are bad at best, so, IF you know who reads the queries and IF you have something in common, go for it. Just remember that it counts against you double if you say something stupid.