Saturday, October 9, 2010

Se La Vie

Said the old folks. It goes to show you never can tell. I'd have expected more discussion and debate on that last post, but oh wells.

I apologize for the eratic posting schedule and varying lengths. I have two internships and a full course load, so I do this whenever I have time. It also means I'm not responding to comments every time, which I'd like to. Nor have I been wholly sucessful in going through everyone's profiles, checking to see what blogs they read etc. It's still a small group and with a lot of represented authors, others seeking representation, and, I think, a couple other assistants at agencies. So I'd encourage you all to look at each other's profiles before the numbers become overwhelming (see that stampede of people just begging me to keep ranting and raving?). Never know. You might make a good connection or lead each other to interesting sources.

I also encourage you to play word association with your friends over Gmail just to see what sorts of crazy ads pop up on the side. It's more fun than an oversized barrel full of genetically enhanced humor monkies. And it probably messes with Google's head a little bit. Speaking of monkies, the only reason I can post at all considering my busy schedule is thanks to the aid of two of my good friends and pet projects, Eduardo the Thesis monkey (It's like a Rhesus monkey, but with less peanut butter and more brains)and Travis the Howler Monkey. Ed writes many of my school papers and outlines some blog posts (the good ones) while Travis is my public body double. I can be in two places at once! But I'll talk about them more at a later date.

Today's quick tip- Don't steal names. Seriously. You have no idea how much that annoys me. I can't catch every single one because it's not like I've read every book, seen every movie, etc. but it can be a deal killer all by itself. And it's usually accompanied by other thievery. Example, once I got a query for a murder mystery following a hard boiled female cop in NY out for revenge on her mother's killer. Her name was Nikki Beckett. Because apparently the author thinks that there's no chance I ever saw an episode of "Castle": a TV show about a murder mystery writer who shadows exactly such a woman and writes about her when he's not assisting on her cases. The character in Castle is named Kate Beckett, and in the books within the show, her alter ego is Nikki Heat. Ergo, Nikki Beckett. I mean, Christ. Could they have tried? Another example. A YA Paranormal that opens with a beautiful girl named Claire displaying her newfound super powers to her normal best friend Zach. Because that writer must have thought that although millions of people have seen the first season of heroes, there wasn't a pretty good chance that I had. What. The. Hell? Moral here is quick and easy: Don't do it. I don't care if the names are just place holders, I don't want to see it. Hammer that out before you bring it to a professional or you'll likely be tossed the second they figure it out. Referencing, parody, that's fine. But what those authors were doing was A) writing drivel and B) writing drivel that could get you sued for copyright infringement if the manuscript ever saw the light of day. And if you get it past me,don't celebrate. There's still other people at the agency. And then editors. And then sales staff and marketers and publicity and copy editors and reviewers. All it takes is one person to notice and you'll have slit your own throat. No one will touch your writing again. You think it'd be better if it got published before anyone sees it? Then you'll never publish again, AND you'll be facing litigation. So remember kids, winners don't do drugs. Or, um. Steal.

14 comments:

  1. It pays to do your homework... and don't steal what inspired you to write the novel. I started a SciFi/Fantasy about a band of murdering pirates terrorizing the galaxy (the plot is more interesting, but I am keeping it to myself until the thing is written and on submission). I scoured the literary and film world to make certain the idea had not already been done to death. Originality pays off even if it is just for your own peace of mind. After all, couldn't the writer have at least looked up a listing of baby names on the internet? How hard is that??? Five minutes research at their fingertips and they might have gotten a request for material!

    Oh... side note. I read your female dominated publishing post and laughed a little. I query more female agents than male (20 to 1) and in a complete stupidity driven moment, accidentally addressed MR. Ellenburg as a MS (realized the gaffe two seconds after I hit send). Boy did I feel idiotic, but there just aren't that many male agents. I think there should be more. I have met a few male agents I thought were amazing.

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  2. My father is a musician and he always told me that in the world of music, "Professionals borrow, amateurs steal." I think it holds true in the literary world as well. Obviously we all have those works we've read that were responsible for inspiring us to become writers, but you have to be able to draw the line between inspiration and outright (even if it's inadvertant) stealing. Remember the whole "Opal Meta's first kiss" debacle from a few years ago? Okay you might be too young to remember that, but I remember it well. Scary scary scary stuff. I don't think stealing a name is quite up to that level of plagiarism, but it's quite a slippery slope to tread.

    In regards to your male vs. female in the publishing world post, I have noticied the disparity too! If you go to a writer's conference (especially in the kidlit world) it's like an estrogen festival! Yes, there are SOME guys in the world of publishing, on both sides of the aisle, but really, it is very female dominated. Although it seems like there are more slightly more male agents than male editors, but maybe that's just from my own (limited) experience. I definitely think there is a lot of room for more men to enter the kidlit literary world, in all roles.

    But, my agent is a guy! so there you go!

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  3. Alyson, at least you personalize them. I hate it when they're adressed to agent, submissions manager, or worst, editor or publisher. It's always nice to know that people put a little thought into where they sent their manuscripts.

    Emily, I thought you were still looking for an agent? If this is a new thing,congrats! If I just sort of missed it before, I apologize for my inability to follow a conversation.

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  4. It's kind of a new thing! Thanks! Actually the reason I found your blog was because I was pouring over my new agent's website and found an assistant listed in the 'staff section' with a blog! hehe! So yeah, M's my agent! But I'm definitely a newbie. So I don't know much of anything. I'm still learning from you and everyone else. I wish Linda would blog more though.. ahem. ;)

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  5. Robin, Can I say that your boss is ultra cool? I just got a personal rejection from Mark. Not a form letter, but a nice personal response stating exactly why he had to pass on a premise he liked.

    Personally, if you can't find out the agent's name to address a letter to him/her, then you must not want an agent that badly. Kinda like shooting blanks into a bucket.

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  6. Yes. Yes you can say Mark is ultra cool. I totally understand.

    Also, you're at our agency Emily? Man, how did I miss that? Must be more recent than the last time we updated the site, then. Welcome aboard. I'll tell Linda to get a move on with her blog.

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  7. Huh. Actually, you're on the site. But I wasn't the one who collected the bio and stuff. How odd. Welcome again!

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  8. Thanks! Mark does seem ultra cool..I'll agree with you both there!

    Can I suggest you do a post on the process from your end? What do you do for the agency on a daily basis? Do you read queries? Fulls? etc. Do you do it from home? Do you ever see Mark/Linda face to face? I've always wondered how much facte to face contact agents have with their assistants etc. When you are reading queries who do you forward things to? Straight to Mark? Through Linda first? These kinds of things are like crack to writers. We want to know every last detail of what happens to our queries. hehe

    Also, some of the other M agency authors on twitter wanted me to ask you if you are a tweep, and if so what your username is so you can join in our drinking parties.

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  9. Hmmm. I don't drink, but I do enjoy watching others get hammered. Although this semester... and they asked you to ask me? Am I so scary I can't be asked in person? Oooh, I think I like that. Muahahahaha.

    You know something? I need to keep a file of posts I've made and when and schedule future ones. I get so many ideas for posts that I forget to ever use. I guess process should be added to the list.

    I do have a twitter account but I think I literally made one tweet ever as a test post. I'd actually have to look myself up. It doesn't really appeal to me though. If brevity is the soul of wit, I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball.

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  10. Truth be told, twitter didn't appeal to me much either, but there is some interesting publishing info that gets posted on twitter, stuff I would never actually see or 'hear' otherwise. There are a ton of editors/agents on there and it can be, er, eye opening.

    And, you can post your blog posts there if you want to have more followers. You will instantly have a ton because people will tweet you as an agent's assistant which, again, is like turning on a lightbulb in a room full of moths.

    I still blog stalk agents and assistants. I guess I'm just used to doing it. It takes awhile to get out of the 'I'm on the agent hunt' mindset. Come to think of it, I look like I'm blog stalking you huh? I creep myself out, geez.

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  11. You write paranormal. A little creepiness is a good thing.

    Wait, I think that might've come out wrong.

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  12. Just so you know, we writers hold agents and agent assistants in a weird sort of reverent awe. We all wish to sign with one, but risking the chance of offending one and therefore not being published is frankly every writer's nightmare.

    I keep an action figure of Igor on my desk... Master want a synopsis? Yes, Master, Igor will get that for you. ;-)

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  13. Good to know. Something I can exploit. Muahahahaha. No. I think if I ever developed that mindset myself it's been tempered by being on the inside. We're just people, you know? Like anybody else.

    Just a litle bit more awesome.

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  14. I agree with Emily and Alyson on wanting to know everything that happens in the submission process and not wanting to offend an agent. One thing I have been learning lately is patience. Luckily, I have two little munchkins that keep me very busy while I'm awaiting an agent's response to my query. I do have to add: you equated babies with aliens. Really? My youngest is 11 months. Yes there is some baby drool involved when teething comes into play, but that is not alien scary, or is it? :) I do enjoy your writing and appreciate your honesty.

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