For whatever reason, there are certain professions that tend to query my agency a lot. Tops of the charts have got to be lawyers, with teachers a distant second. There are many strange things about this. First, most of them write picture books, when it would probably make more sense to write thrillers, mysteries or non-fiction. Stuff that makes use of their expertise and could be good PR for their day job. But they write picture books. Picture books are a lot harder to write than you would think. The monetary reward is small, and breaking into that kind of writing is even harder than adult fiction. Not only do you have to compete with Dr. Seuss who will sell more copies of Fox in Sox every single week than you'll probably ever sell anything, but the people who do get published write up a storm in order to make a living, reducing the amount of space for newcomers to near zero.
Now, my brother is a lawyer. Used to love cartooning. He probably would be a decent children's book author. And yet, he's wisely decided to stick to his 70 hour a week, 160,000 dollar a year day job. I think, knowing what I know of his line of work, from his experiences, and those of several friends of mine, that being a lawyer is a very stressful job with a lot of responsobilities and deadlines and dire repercussions. I'd imagine that writing picture books is a way for lawyers to let off some steam. Try something else. Be innocent and carefree instead of suing someone over trivial nonsense, or defending scum, or whatever else they deal with.
Which is unfortunate, because in my experience, lawyers often take law or crime into the picture books with them in the least exciting ways possible. Which is not to say I haven't seen a few decent books by attornys, but they tend to be adult books. I've seen so many books about children who want to be lawyers when they grow up it makes my head hurt. If you're going to bring law into the mix, at least try to be interesting. Here, let me show you what might be different. I can write this stuff in five minutes.
(To the tune of Cotton Fields, performed by CCR)
When I was a little bitty baby
my mama would lock me in the attic
in that old mansion on the hill
It was on the outskirts of New York City
where I wrote this very diddy
in that old mansion on the hill
When I'd act all rotten
I'd be locked in the attic and forgotten
in that old mansion on the hill
It was on the outskirts of New York City
where I wrote this very diddy
in that old mansion on the hill.
Thank you. Thank you. Next week, I'll continue the project with "I fought the School Board (and the School Board Won)" to the tune of I Fought the Law as performed by the Clash. It'll be a heartwarming epic of a young man who stands up to the the school bully with a water pistol and is thrown out of school while the bully gets off scotch free.
Or, I won't be doing that. My point is that, see? Law doesn't mix with picture books, and literally fifteen seconds of thought provided something beyond the ordinary stuff I see. Lawyers, I love ya, but you're killin' me. How 'bout some thrillers. Please?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Cogito ergo cog
I have a theory. It is also a code I live by. By which I mean a justification for my extraordinarily offensive tendencies towards non-conformity. I'm such a bastard. Anyway, For the last ten years or so, my mantra has been "There can be no greatness without audacity." I dunno. Maybe I heard it somewhere. I won't bother claiming to have invented it. But it's a good code to live by. It's my code.
That said, as a reader, nothing pisses me off more than an aspiring author who is audacious, but not any good. When a first time novelist writes in and calls their book a guaranteed bestseller and thinks it'd make a great movie, that makes me cautious. When they compare themselves to literary masterminds or refer to themselves as the next big thing, it makes me nauseous.
There's a difference between being audacious and a grandstanding, delusional jerk wad. Do me a favor and meditate on the difference before you send a query to my agency, m'kay? That said, telling me you're inspired by some bestselling author, or that your work has shades of some well known book is perfectly fine. Indeed, I tend to feel a lot more sympathy for people who know their shit and say things like "I could never hope to rival so and so, but I think I might have a book they'd be proud to have authored." You never know. You just might be greater than your hero. But don't act like it until you've accomplished something.
And now I'm a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. Your topic is audacity vs. being pretentious.
That said, as a reader, nothing pisses me off more than an aspiring author who is audacious, but not any good. When a first time novelist writes in and calls their book a guaranteed bestseller and thinks it'd make a great movie, that makes me cautious. When they compare themselves to literary masterminds or refer to themselves as the next big thing, it makes me nauseous.
There's a difference between being audacious and a grandstanding, delusional jerk wad. Do me a favor and meditate on the difference before you send a query to my agency, m'kay? That said, telling me you're inspired by some bestselling author, or that your work has shades of some well known book is perfectly fine. Indeed, I tend to feel a lot more sympathy for people who know their shit and say things like "I could never hope to rival so and so, but I think I might have a book they'd be proud to have authored." You never know. You just might be greater than your hero. But don't act like it until you've accomplished something.
And now I'm a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. Your topic is audacity vs. being pretentious.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
3 + 4
Where: When looking for an agent, their location matters a lot more than yours. Would it be nice if you live close to your agent? Yes. Is it necessary? No. Not really. In so much as your agent will need to talk to you face to face, Skype will usually do. On the other hand, they have to meet in person with editors to pitch projects to them. It's the only effective way to get your book sold. Agents in turn cluster most heavily in publishing areas. For instance, in America New York City is the single biggest. Not that there aren't other places with plenty of publishers as well. Boston, for instance. Does this mean you should only ever look for agents in New York? No, not necessarily. For instance, you might write books which are highly regional, in which case the chances are high that any interested publishers would be independent presses in the region in question. Sure, Sarah Palin's biography wound up being a big deal. Time was there was only one on the market. But usually, a book about a mostly unknown minor Alaskan politician is most likely to sell in Alaska. So to some extent you'll need to think about who might be interested in publishing a manuscript like yours and where those people might be located.
When: This may be the hardest question to answer. Well, okay. I can answer it easily. It just isn't a very good answer. Essentially, the answer is: who knows? Agencies tend to go through cycles. Times when they're actively looking for new authors, and times when they're full up and honestly couldn't rep you if they wanted to. A great deal of the time, it's the latter. And unless you're some combination of very good, very lucky, and very well connected, it's nigh impossible to get an agent to take you on when they're busy. And you really can't know whether they're busy or not unless they tell you. I suppose you could always check querytracker, but unless there is a lot of recent feedback, what it tells you about the agencies current habits is up for debate.
On a side note, I personally don't mind reading seasonal books out of season. Other readers and agents might. Considering that a book will likely spend 1-2 years with a publisher even after you've handed them the final manuscript, plus all the time spent reworking it and finding an interested publisher makes for a whole mess of a schedule. Personally, if I wrote a seasonal book, I'd probably treat it like any other book and start shopping it around soon as I finished it.
When: This may be the hardest question to answer. Well, okay. I can answer it easily. It just isn't a very good answer. Essentially, the answer is: who knows? Agencies tend to go through cycles. Times when they're actively looking for new authors, and times when they're full up and honestly couldn't rep you if they wanted to. A great deal of the time, it's the latter. And unless you're some combination of very good, very lucky, and very well connected, it's nigh impossible to get an agent to take you on when they're busy. And you really can't know whether they're busy or not unless they tell you. I suppose you could always check querytracker, but unless there is a lot of recent feedback, what it tells you about the agencies current habits is up for debate.
On a side note, I personally don't mind reading seasonal books out of season. Other readers and agents might. Considering that a book will likely spend 1-2 years with a publisher even after you've handed them the final manuscript, plus all the time spent reworking it and finding an interested publisher makes for a whole mess of a schedule. Personally, if I wrote a seasonal book, I'd probably treat it like any other book and start shopping it around soon as I finished it.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
W the Second
Once you've begun identifying agents who might be interested in the kind of books your write (who) it's time to take a second look at your manuscript, the what in our classic 5 W occassion.
First, identify the genre and target audience of the book. At the very least, know what age group it's for. When an author mixes up Young Adult and Middle Grade, or, surprisingly even more common, YA and chapter books, it looks a little silly. But more importantly, does the book have a tone, length or style suited to its audience? I once saw a 120,000 word middle grade novel in which the heroes eventually must take on three witches. My first thought was to do the math. That's easily three MG novels. Three books, three witches. Why did he combine it? Simply seperating those stories would make such a huge difference. It means series potential, which MG publishers love. It means lower printing costs. It means less money spent in development of a single product. Everybody would win just by cutting it down. Far more frequently I see interesting books that are written with the wrong age group in mind. Usually, this is a picture book, chapter book or midddle grade written in a style closer to YA or Adult, but it goes all ways. I've seen successful MG novelists trying to write a YA for the first time and what they come up with tends to be a very long middle grade. As for the genre, beyond "thriller" or "mystery" or "sci-fi" or "literary" think about what KIND of books they are within that genre. If an agent says they only touch sci-fi or fantasy if it's unusual and exceptional, consider steampunk. Or dystopian. Or retro-futurism. Or something. You'll probably be wasting your time to send swords and sorcery. Same with all genres.
Next, take a look at the manuscript itself. I'll blabber some other time about a few hallmarks of a good query, but read the first few pages and ask yourself if a totally disinterested party is likely to want to know what happens. Take a good, honest look at all the components. From plot and pacing, to tone and copy editing, is this, if not "ready for print" since even established authors likely owe a lot to capable editors (and agents)is it a book that could be ready for print with a reasonable effort on the part of agents and editors. A few primary things to consider- what's your competition? And never, ever say "this book is totally unique." I assure you it isn't. And even if there isn't a book just like it availible, don't think for a moment that there aren't similar ones. Or books in the works. Or books out of print. Next, look at your opening lines. As a reader, I'll push on if the first paragraph or two is solidly written, but I won't be favorably inclined even if I like the premise. When your job is to read the first 20 pages of 25 books every single day, a book has to be exceptional to make it stand out and make me feel like I'm reading for fun rather than work. And best yet is if you have a really kick ass opening line. Be a drama queen. Demand my attention. Just one caveat: do it by being interesting. Nowhere is better for that than the first sentence of your manuscript.
First, identify the genre and target audience of the book. At the very least, know what age group it's for. When an author mixes up Young Adult and Middle Grade, or, surprisingly even more common, YA and chapter books, it looks a little silly. But more importantly, does the book have a tone, length or style suited to its audience? I once saw a 120,000 word middle grade novel in which the heroes eventually must take on three witches. My first thought was to do the math. That's easily three MG novels. Three books, three witches. Why did he combine it? Simply seperating those stories would make such a huge difference. It means series potential, which MG publishers love. It means lower printing costs. It means less money spent in development of a single product. Everybody would win just by cutting it down. Far more frequently I see interesting books that are written with the wrong age group in mind. Usually, this is a picture book, chapter book or midddle grade written in a style closer to YA or Adult, but it goes all ways. I've seen successful MG novelists trying to write a YA for the first time and what they come up with tends to be a very long middle grade. As for the genre, beyond "thriller" or "mystery" or "sci-fi" or "literary" think about what KIND of books they are within that genre. If an agent says they only touch sci-fi or fantasy if it's unusual and exceptional, consider steampunk. Or dystopian. Or retro-futurism. Or something. You'll probably be wasting your time to send swords and sorcery. Same with all genres.
Next, take a look at the manuscript itself. I'll blabber some other time about a few hallmarks of a good query, but read the first few pages and ask yourself if a totally disinterested party is likely to want to know what happens. Take a good, honest look at all the components. From plot and pacing, to tone and copy editing, is this, if not "ready for print" since even established authors likely owe a lot to capable editors (and agents)is it a book that could be ready for print with a reasonable effort on the part of agents and editors. A few primary things to consider- what's your competition? And never, ever say "this book is totally unique." I assure you it isn't. And even if there isn't a book just like it availible, don't think for a moment that there aren't similar ones. Or books in the works. Or books out of print. Next, look at your opening lines. As a reader, I'll push on if the first paragraph or two is solidly written, but I won't be favorably inclined even if I like the premise. When your job is to read the first 20 pages of 25 books every single day, a book has to be exceptional to make it stand out and make me feel like I'm reading for fun rather than work. And best yet is if you have a really kick ass opening line. Be a drama queen. Demand my attention. Just one caveat: do it by being interesting. Nowhere is better for that than the first sentence of your manuscript.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
The First W
Something that seems obvious but doesn't seem to occur to many people about finding an agent is that you should be looking for someone who knows and is interested in the kind of manuscripts you write. There's no faster way of getting rejected than by sending a something they have no interest in. Remember, agents are only human. There are only so many things that they know and enjoy. If they don't read your kind of book, they won't be much help with the manuscript except for the basic things like copyediting or pacing. Second, it's a bad business proposition for them because chances are they don't have many contacts in companies that buy such books. Finally, your manuscript better be really interesting or they're honestly not going to care. This isn't to say that an agent won't be interested in things outside their norm. There will always be exceptions, and with publishers as well. But the chances are much, much smaller.
So the very first step in finding an agent is...to find an agent. Duh. Every year there are books printed listing agencies all across the country and giving you some idea of what they do, most notably, those by Chuck Sambuchino. He's also got a website for it- http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/. These are not the outer limits. Your next stop, or perhaps your first one should be Query Tracker. The main downfall of Query tracker, apart from the fact that the statistics only represent those who share their success or rejection is that agents are listed as representing anything they're even remotely interested in. In any event, there are plenty of other ways to find agents you might want to work with and who might be interested in your book. Writing conferences, if you can go. Webinars. Magazines and journals such as Writer's Digest will periodically interview agents or list some they find interesting. You could also do something a little more off beat if you really wanted to. Like the slightly shady Preditors and Editors. After you've picked out ones that looked good in the abstract on paper, GO TO THEIR SITE. This is not a suggestion. I hate using all caps like that, but I don't want you to miss it. A well made site will tell you what they want, the way they want it, and might just give you a better idea of who they are, either by an about us page, or through a company blog or whatever else. This is a valuable resource.
On a final note, if you met an agent at a writing conference or webinar and they gave you feedback personally, you can always try them even if they're not likely to be interested. You probably don't stand any better chance of gaining their reputation, but depending on the agent and the agency, you might get their personal attention when otherwise, you would be at the mercy of a reader or submissions manager. So you might get a little more feedback, and if you're really good, you might just get a few reccomendations for other agents to query. And that is another way to quickly catch an agent's attention. That's always a good thing. More feedback! More reccomendations! It can never hurt. Worst case scenario, we treat your manuscript like normal.
Anyway, long story short (too late!) think about who you'd want to work with, and who would be likely to want to work with you and your manuscript. Oh, and when you do, if you submit electronically, please personalize your query letter. Bad enough when it's generic or expects an agent to publish their book. What really gets under my skin at least is CCing every agent in the world. It's totally unprofessional. We don't expect anything to be an exclusive submission, but it makes us feel like you put no time or thought into who to send to. If an agency takes you on, that means they want to work with you as an author, not just the one book. That means they have to like you. The first part of that is treating agencies as unique entities rather than interchangable cogs. Even if you do query every agent in the known universe, do us all a favor and send the e-mails seperately. Maybe throw in a line about how you saw the agent you're querying at SCBWI or read about them in a magazine, or how you follow them on Twitter or whatever. It gives us the feeling that you know what you're doing and have really given the whole process some thought.
So the very first step in finding an agent is...to find an agent. Duh. Every year there are books printed listing agencies all across the country and giving you some idea of what they do, most notably, those by Chuck Sambuchino. He's also got a website for it- http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/. These are not the outer limits. Your next stop, or perhaps your first one should be Query Tracker. The main downfall of Query tracker, apart from the fact that the statistics only represent those who share their success or rejection is that agents are listed as representing anything they're even remotely interested in. In any event, there are plenty of other ways to find agents you might want to work with and who might be interested in your book. Writing conferences, if you can go. Webinars. Magazines and journals such as Writer's Digest will periodically interview agents or list some they find interesting. You could also do something a little more off beat if you really wanted to. Like the slightly shady Preditors and Editors. After you've picked out ones that looked good in the abstract on paper, GO TO THEIR SITE. This is not a suggestion. I hate using all caps like that, but I don't want you to miss it. A well made site will tell you what they want, the way they want it, and might just give you a better idea of who they are, either by an about us page, or through a company blog or whatever else. This is a valuable resource.
On a final note, if you met an agent at a writing conference or webinar and they gave you feedback personally, you can always try them even if they're not likely to be interested. You probably don't stand any better chance of gaining their reputation, but depending on the agent and the agency, you might get their personal attention when otherwise, you would be at the mercy of a reader or submissions manager. So you might get a little more feedback, and if you're really good, you might just get a few reccomendations for other agents to query. And that is another way to quickly catch an agent's attention. That's always a good thing. More feedback! More reccomendations! It can never hurt. Worst case scenario, we treat your manuscript like normal.
Anyway, long story short (too late!) think about who you'd want to work with, and who would be likely to want to work with you and your manuscript. Oh, and when you do, if you submit electronically, please personalize your query letter. Bad enough when it's generic or expects an agent to publish their book. What really gets under my skin at least is CCing every agent in the world. It's totally unprofessional. We don't expect anything to be an exclusive submission, but it makes us feel like you put no time or thought into who to send to. If an agency takes you on, that means they want to work with you as an author, not just the one book. That means they have to like you. The first part of that is treating agencies as unique entities rather than interchangable cogs. Even if you do query every agent in the known universe, do us all a favor and send the e-mails seperately. Maybe throw in a line about how you saw the agent you're querying at SCBWI or read about them in a magazine, or how you follow them on Twitter or whatever. It gives us the feeling that you know what you're doing and have really given the whole process some thought.
Friday, July 2, 2010
A Bridge
This has nothing to do with anything, yet must be said. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged) by the Reduced Shakespeare Company may be the funniest goddamn thing ever made. Watch it.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Archaeology
Some day, many years from now, Internet Anthropologists will discover this blog, which by then will probably have one or two people supposedly following it. They will analyze blog trends and note that my week long break is unusual and frankly, unacceptable. They will raise their mighty pitchforks and demand to know why the amusing and extremely useful free information suddenly slowed and even seemed to stop. They will decry me as the greatest villain of an age, to have neglected my imaginary readers thus.
Fortunately, I don't care about their opinions any more than I care about yours. I ignore everyone equally. 'Sides, life's been hell. And I feel no need to make excuses about that. So let's get down to brass tacks, shall we?
I suppose I should continue my current line of thought. Or better yet, I should go back to the beggining and talk about identifying agents who actually represent what you're writing about. But instead, I feel the need to do something topical. Sort of.
Recently, there's been an outbreak of aspiring authors bypassing the usual submissions system and sending queries directly to the agent himself at his e-mail adress. Maybe 1/4 of them are people who already went through the normal channels and were rejected.
There's not much to say about this except don't do it. Seriously. Agents are busy people. Readers and submissions managers are gate keepers. Bouncers even. Agents have too much else to do and wasting their time gets you on the shit list. Your chances of obtaining representation from an agent drop dramatically for this infraction, for this refusal to follow protocol. For your sake, the agent's sake, the reader's sake, and yes, even other's writers' sake's, don't do it.
Fortunately, I don't care about their opinions any more than I care about yours. I ignore everyone equally. 'Sides, life's been hell. And I feel no need to make excuses about that. So let's get down to brass tacks, shall we?
I suppose I should continue my current line of thought. Or better yet, I should go back to the beggining and talk about identifying agents who actually represent what you're writing about. But instead, I feel the need to do something topical. Sort of.
Recently, there's been an outbreak of aspiring authors bypassing the usual submissions system and sending queries directly to the agent himself at his e-mail adress. Maybe 1/4 of them are people who already went through the normal channels and were rejected.
There's not much to say about this except don't do it. Seriously. Agents are busy people. Readers and submissions managers are gate keepers. Bouncers even. Agents have too much else to do and wasting their time gets you on the shit list. Your chances of obtaining representation from an agent drop dramatically for this infraction, for this refusal to follow protocol. For your sake, the agent's sake, the reader's sake, and yes, even other's writers' sake's, don't do it.
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