Research This

So, some of you, my imaginary readers, may have noticed my less than positive assessment of Google's idea of replacing paywalls with market research questionnaires. You may also be wondering "do you hate market research?" No, of course not. That said, of course, market research presents itself almost as a science which it most assuredly is not, but it's the execution of it that annoys me, not the concept.

Years ago, I was "invited" by Gamestop, the video game retailer to join some group or another that organized market research surveys, and being the curious sort I am, I decided to check it out. Apart from logistical complaints against Google's idea that I've already voiced such as having a relevant survey, not repeating surveys, identification information (do they store it? Who stores it? Or are they going to ask your age, gender, ethnicity, location and income every damn time?) and how little these things are worth (it took me four years to get a fifty dollar iTunes gift card, so if I weren't doing it on the perverse belief that one day I might be able to use the experience as an excuse to hop back up on the soap box, I wouldn't have bothered) there are problems I have with the way these surveys are put together.

So here are a few of my favorite examples of things they do which is guaranteed to give them erroneous information, which they needed more of because absolutely everyone takes these things seriously.

1) Asking me about my spouse/spouse's job/spouse's income/spouse's decision making power in the house hold before you have ascertained whether I have a spouse or not.

2) Asking me about my spouse/spouse's job/spouse's income/spouse's decision making power in the house hold after you have already ascertained that I HAVEN'T GOT ONE.

3) Compensation is more if you "qualify and complete" market research surveys. On no small number of occasions have I clearly taken the entire survey and then been told I don't qualify. Not what I'd call a better business practice.

4) Questions in which you cannot answer "I don't know" or "Not Applicable" thus forcing you to select an erroneous answer.

5) Questions in which you must select one answer in each column despite the answers being mutually exclusive and thus resulting in inherently conflicting data.

6) Asking detailed questions about your perception of something random, such as the moral fiber of a fertilizer company just because you've *heard* of them.

7) Not so subtle leading in favor of new product/ frequently obvious who the survey is being conducted on behalf of even in cases when it should not be.

8) Redundant questions.

9) If a user doesn't like one bad idea, following it up with one that's even worse and then asking them how the first rates in comparison. Solid garbage may be more desirable than soggy garbage, but I wouldn't say I actually desire it, you follow me?

10) Asking me where I live, then asking me how often I travel to that location for fun and asking me to rate it as a tourist spot. Gee, I dunno. See, 'cuz I've never been a tourist in my own bloody town.

11) Asking me age inappropriate questions.

12) Asking me for personal data more than once. Like I don't know whether I'm white or Asian without double checking. Or is this your attempt to catch on to people who are clearly just giving you whatever answer they feel like? Because if you can see how easy it is to give the wrong answer, maybe you shouldn't even bother with it...except it's cheaper to run than traditional market research, so nuts to me.

And so many more complaints, but that's all the room we have today. On Wednesday, a different kind of survey bashing. Join me then for "Extraneous Criteria" OR "Flawed Methodology."