The Facts of Life

Last weekend, there was a big family gathering. Many amusing things happened, but the one that sticks with me is what I shall merely call "Why I should never be a father part 964 1.A 1/3" It... um. It's a very long list. Anyway, because of the crowd, a seperate "children's" table was set aside and being *only* 25 years old, I'm apparently still a child. But whatever. It meant more space to spread out and also that we were closer to the food. So I'm good with it. But you'd think after all these years that they would have realized leaving me with the kids would be a terrible idea. Here's how the conversation between myself, my Cousin Matt (17) and Dhalia (10) went.

Me: So, you must be starting to look at colleges. You know what you want to study?
Matt: Well, I'm thinking I'll be a doctor.
Me: So, Pre Med. I know the answer is probably know 'cuz you've got a long way to go, but do you have any idea what form of medicine you'd most want to study?
Matt: Not really. That's something you don't declare for sure until a few years into medschool anyway. So for the time being, I'm just thinking GP.
Me: You haven't thought about it at all? No interest in urology? How about proctology?
Matt: OK, you got me. I thought about it enough not to want to do those.
Me: Well, anyway that's good. Always liked Bio. It's an actual science, you know? Based on observation and analysis rather than abstract mathmatics. Plus the life sciences have all the coolest terms like electrophoresis, virology, acetylsalicylic acid, or amniocentesis.
Dahlia: What's amniocentesis?
*At this point, I have since learned, I was expected to lie and tell my cousin that amniocentesis is candy and rainbows. You know as well as I do that I'm not a very good liar. Main reason being that it rarely even occurs to me that lying is a thing which can be done by me. Lying is for other people. I'm a storyteller, but asked a question...*
Me: Well, Dahlia, it's a process by which amniotic fluid is extracted and tested. Amniotic fluid is what protects and unborn baby, you see. And by testing it, the doctors can get a pretty good idea of whether or not the child will have certain disorders or defects. So it's very useful and quite routine, but it's a little controversial because there are some who think it results in increased rates of abortions and that abortion is inherently bad.
Dahlia: ...
Matt:...
Me:...
Dahlia: I don't get it.
Matt: Good.
Me: Who wants seconds? That delicious, nutrient rich placenta there is looking pretty good.
Matt: Uh. That's polenta.
Me: Dude, trying to gross out the young un's here and you're really cramping my style.
Dahlia: What?
Me: Oh hell, nevermind. You guys want anything while I'm up?